I remember that day like it was yesterday, it was autumn of 2013. I was sitting in the classroom and had an english lesson. I was sleepy and couldn't concentrate (a good reason why my grammar sucks), I felt like i was braindead.
My english teacher was a hot 26 year old Girl, she had just started working at our school. All of my friends who had lessons with her wanted to bang her.
But I didn't, I wasn't aroused by her nor any other attractive women.
I felt horrible, not only because I was simply feeling like shit but because I didn't feel what all the other guys felt. I was frustrated and irritated because I simply didn't get the feeling of lust for a hot women.
I couldn't get it up and it crushed me hard.
It was depressing, it was humiliating, most importantly it was emasculating. I simply didn't feel like a man, I felt like I was still stuck at being a child and wasn't changing like all the other guys.
They were getting stronger fast and were getting more aggressive and assertive, trying to assert their dominance, something I was bad at, I simply didn't feel like doing it and didn't have the same fearless and aggressive response when somebody decided to mess with me.
That day after school I went to swimming. I was doing swimming for over 9 years in a row, and had restarted it after a 3 year break. That year I was training hard, my natural character of being a go-getter allowed me to push harder and harder, ultimately driving me to exhaustion with the only joy of impressing my coach.
I felt like I was addicted to swimming, but I also felt like I was drained because of it.
My crappy fitness magazine inspired low fat, very high protein, low carb high fiber diet was making everything worse. The stress from homework and tests wasn't making it easier either.
I didn't know what was wrong with me. I felt something was wrong but didn't know what it was exactly. I felt a mix of inferiority, insecurity and hopelessness. I felt like I was inferior to other guys, a feeling that crushes any men and especially a boy trying to become one.
I was starting to get a bit stronger and gain muscle, I was pretty fat. My skin was thick and I looked bloated. My fat distribution was feminine - I stored most of fat in my Thighs and buttocks. My friends were starting to get some fluffy thin moustaches and were shaving. I wasn't, I envied them. My voice started to change, one thing that I was happy about.
Some things have improved and while I was on a trip to UK, I was not doing any swimming - I was feeling better. Due to the fact that we were traveling around, we often ate at fast food places, particularly in Burger Bars. My fat intake went up and so did my sex drive and the masculine aggression.
After the trip from UK and a hefty dose of different experiences I started searching up some stuff on internet. I quickly found out that I might have low testosterone, I did. My mother thought that I was fine, however the more I read the more I realised it was the case.
My insecurities about my hips and face became real and not only a byproduct of "Typical teenager insecurities". It was a big hit for me, I wanted to do something about it at the same time my insecurities got worse because I realised they were real and not a byproduct of body image.
I started spending a lot of time on internet going through dozens and dozens of articles talking about testosterone and estrogen, a hormone that I quickly developed hate for. I started researching stuff like bone age and estrogen leading me to do a wrist x-ray to check if my growth plates are fused or not. I was in panic and trust me it wasn't good.
In winter 2014 I discovered Anabolic Men blog, it was a new site that had the information that the other sites didn't have. It provided research, it showed something new, it resonated with me. I was hooked. I spent a week going through all the articles that the author Ali Kuoppala, who would later become my close friend, putted out. I did this multiple times. It was unorganised, I was doing this and that but I wasn't consistent.
I felt something that I have been seeking to feel in a long time, power - power over myself.
I slowly started implementing all of the stuff and later on discovered the Testosterone I/O program, currently known as TestShock, written by Christopher Walker a man who also latter become my great friend and a person who inspired me to take a Systemic view at life.
A lot of things have changed. Over past two years I started mine own blog and a business, have helped hundreds of guys solve their hormonal problems naturally - ranging from steroid users trying to recover their hormonal system all the way to young teens trying to get their shit together.
Over these years I have gained experience in how to manipulate my own hormones by Nutritional, Lifestyle, Attitude, Supplement and Training principles. I have developed a system that allowed me to do that and you too.
The endocrine system is very, very complex, and we probably won't be ever able to understand it fully, however by analysing the current area of research and seeing patterns we can develop a system that is easy to implement and most importantly - to sustain. Long run is what matters and the ones who take the systemic approach tot things and make consistent progress in key areas are the ones who achieve results.
Everything is great now for me. I almost never get brain fog, my libido is great, I get regular morning and night wood and I am able to maintain a lean, hard looking but a powerful body (I am not big by any means and don't seek it really).
I can grow a decent amount of facial hair and my body hair is starting to get abundant particularly on my limbs, a place where body hair is mostly correlated to DHT.
My character has changed a lot too, tackling through my hormonal issue had created a right of passage for me and I quickly learned what I was seeking other than improving my hormonal health - proving to myself I was a man.
There are a lot things that I need to work on and improve and I will, what matters is making that progress consistently - taking the rational systemic approach to things.
I realised that while there is a good amount of information on Testosterone in the internet, not enough attention is payed to Dihydrotestosterone (DHT). As I found out through researching it is a far more important hormone for male health than testosterone, public has demonised and falsely accused it thought.
The information that existed was aimed almost always towards decreasing and inhibiting it. While the information on increasing it existed it was very sparse and unorganised.
Nobody really had looked deep into this hormone and why its the most important male hormone, so I decided to create a resource that would gather the existing research on DHT and organise it into a simple to understand comprehensive form, that is easy to follow and takes a form of a system rather than a bunch of "do this, do that"-s.
I have gone through over 500 studies, if there is something on DHT you need to know you can bet its in here - Ready to be learned and putted to action.
This program is dedicated to men who have realised that they have power over themselves and over the world, for men who have the "Androgenic Mindset".
This program is for men who challenge the traditional approach to medicine.
This program is dedicated to men who are ready to put thing into action and take a systemised, rational approach to everything they do. To men who want sustainable, long lasting results.
This program isn't for neurotic freaks who get scared because something out there might decrease DHT and now they have to completely freak out about it and stay away from it, but for men who take the rational approach and look at it from context.
I would like to thank Ian Lenny for working with me on writing this course and organising it. I would like to thank Ali Kuoppala and Christopher Walker for helping me with the course and giving tips on content creation, as well as simply showing me how to look at things.
I'd like to also thank Almqvist brothers for sharing their experience on the subject of DHT, as well as everybody in the Anabolic Men forum for giving me their constructive feedback.